Didn't Pack the Tissues

I have been meaning to get on here and write since Father's Day, but I just haven't had the chance. I wanted to share something that totally caught me off guard (specifically, for my fellow infertile friends). Last Sunday, which as you know was Father's Day, I had an unexpected cry fest at church. We all know that I was so geared up to cry on Mother's Day that we didn't go to church at all. But honestly it didn't even cross my mind once that this day might be hard for me.

We sit down and they open the service after a few worship songs, then they proceed to have a gentleman from our church perform a song he had written about children growing up. And before I knew it, my face was flush and the tears were rolling on out. I was trying to find a way to hide behind Brad's shoulder, but it wasn't quite working out. The lyrics went something like this, "I look at all your childhood pictures and wonder where the time has gone." "You are all grown now and getting married..." Etc. you can fill in the words for the rest of the song. I lost it! We aren't watching anyone grow up. He sang about watching your child walk away the first day of kindergarten. I was sobbing because I want to be watching a child walk away to his or her first day of school. I thought everyone was assuming I had recently lost my dad or something, because I was that pitiful looking. Brad leaned over after the song was over and said, "Geesh, I thought Father's Day was going to be easy!" Well me too, darn it! I didn't pack any tissues.

The song reminded me of the quote someone recently shared through Common Thread from Laura Bush.  "The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?" The song was hard not because I am experiencing the things he sang about, but because I was mourning their absence.

I think I was also sad for Brad. Although, I don't think he needed me to be sad for him, because I don't think he was sad. I know he will make an incredible father and I just hope he has the opportunity to experience the words of that song one day.  Sometimes I do feel ridiculous being so sad about something that doesn't even exist, but I guess that is exactly why I am sad...because I want that story for our lives. I want to experience all the words of that song. I want to shed tears when they leave for school and go off and get married.  But for now, I'll keep shedding tears over the empty rooms waiting to be filled with little feet to leave us with.  Thank you Laura Bush for putting it into words for me.

We had a lovely afternoon over lunch celebrating Brad's dad. I did get to talk to my dad on the phone, but I wish I could have been there with him to celebrate him too. It is tough living so far from family.  We were blessed with wonderful fathers and are very thankful for them.  Seriously, we are so blessed!

I have a new distraction these days.  I started a small tutoring business, Thrive Tutoring.  My subject focuses are math, science, and writing for various grade levels.  I LOVE it!  It has been a real joy to watch my first student "get" pre-algebra and actually like it, I think.   I am loving getting to know him and beginning to understand the way that he learns.  Brad says I secretly enjoy doing the math problems just for fun...and well, he's right.  I am a nerd.    I am looking for more clients.  If you know a student in need of a tutor, send me an email or leave a comment.  I would greatly appreciate it.  

The Lord totally dropped this tutoring thing in my lap and I am so grateful.  I guess He knew just how much I would love it...and that it was just what I needed. 

I hope you all are having a fantastic summer.  Overall Brad and I are doing great.  We have a busy summer ahead filled with weddings, the lake, and weekend trips.  

Love to you all!

Side note to CFC people:  I know the man who sang that song Sunday said a good-bye and praise the Lord, a welcome home that I hope to never experience.  I am sensitive to that. I know that having a child at war is something I would never understand unless I went through it.  Lord willing, I hope to never have to shed those tears.  But who knows what may come.  Knowing part of his story,  I just didn't want anyone to be offended that I longed to shed the tears of watching your children grow up over not having them at all.  I know that song means more to him than it could ever mean to any of us.  

Finally...My Verigated Ginger Bloomed

I have not once seen my ginger plants bloom in the three years that they have been planted out front.  I almost thought I had a different "version" of ginger than everyone else.  But the good Lord finally let my little ginger plants sprout the most unique looking flowers around.  And they smell yummy too.

You might be asking, "What does a ginger plant blooming have to do with infertility?"  I could find something super spiritual to say like, "Maybe this means the Lord will allow my womb to blossom after 3 years of waiting."  But really, there is only one correlation...I am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made and I love plants. haha.  They make me very happy.  I know that not only makes me, "fearfully and wonderfully made," but sort of like an old lady trapped in my almost 27 year old body. Or at least that is what my friends tell me.  And this is where God has me, in the waiting ... enjoying some of my hobbies and I am making an attempt to make the most of it!

Too Many Goodbyes...

  

I had one too many goodbyes this week.  We were  blessed enough to see the Valiquette clan one last time before they leave for Italy.  We loved seeing them and hated saying goodbye as they begin their journey back to Italy.  Of course we say goodbye though with much excitement for how God is going to use them over there. We love you guys very much and are always in awe of how much comfort and security you are willing to sacrifice to serve our Lord.  You are an inspiration to both of us.  

 And then I also had to say goodbye to my high school small group girls.  I know they will still (most of them) be here this summer and I know I will see them again, but it was still so hard to watch them stand at the front of the room and receive their send off.  I have poured so much of myself into them.  And they have impacted me even more than I have impacted them.  They have taught me so much.  I’m just not ready for them to go!  They have become like children to me and dear friends as well.  I am so nervous and excited for them all in one bundled package of emotions.  I look at them and think, “I can’t believe my parents let me move to Orlando to go to UCF when I was their age.  They are so little!”  Haha.  I just wish I could keep them here with me forever.

I love you girls and am so proud of all of you.  I will miss seeing your beautiful smiles and goofy faces.  I cherish each and every one of you.  I love you!!  Thank you for letting me be a part of your life.

“If you are not firm in faith you will not be firm at all.” Isaiah 7:9b

Happy Mother's Day!

Today we celebrate our two beautiful mothers and what they mean to us. We are pretty darn blessed with momma's that love us so deeply.  We are very thankful for them.  They both have set the bar pretty high!  

We are also thankful we were able to escape this weekend and spend some time with special friends who knew the heartache of this day as well.  We created a little staycation at the Harby home while they were out of town this weekend.  We referred to it as Hotel Del Harby most of the time.  It was so fantastic to enjoy the sun, river, and pool on such a beautiful weekend.  We did a lot of eating, chilling, sunset watching, tennis ball throwing (Lt would try and coax every guest to make this his or her sole purpose in life), and hanging out.  It was good for the soul.  I am thankful they were willing to spend the weekend with us.  And we are thankful the Harby's were gracious enough to allow us to take over their house while they were gone.

Thank you to all our sweet friends who remembered our hearts today.  Your encouraging words meant the world to us and we feel blessed to know that we have such great friends who care about us so much.

Happy Mother's Day!

Throwing in the Towel

Hey friends!  It has been a while since I have given an update.  Truth is, there isn't much of an update. I told myself that I wouldn't think about or talk about where Brad and I should go from here for a month.  That gave me time to just be and to also let Brad process a little more.  My mom, aunt, and cousin came to visit last week and their leaving marked a month from our second miscarriage.  I was so sad when they left, one, because I love and miss them terribly and two, because that meant my month was up and I was back to having to think again.  My hall pass ran up.  It was a really hard weekend for me.

Anywho, I really just feel like I am treading water these days.  I am enjoying being Brad's wife and doing the things I enjoy around our home and around town.  I stay incredibly busy and have a significant amount of freedom to fill my calendar with the things I love to do.  I am trying to soak up every second of that.  However, I am still left wondering, "What's next?" when I let my mind wander off from my to do list.

I told God a few days ago that I was, "Throwing in the towel."  Which He has probably been waiting for me to do since this whole thing started 2 years ago.  I really have nothing to offer up. I can't research anything anymore hoping to come up with the perfect answer to "fixing" our infertility situation. I don't feel physically or emotionally ready to give our other two embryos a chance yet.  I would LOVE to adopt, but I am still praying for God to align our hearts.  There is nothing I can do.  I have known this all along, but reality has set in.

This sounds silly, but I hear the way Brad talks and plays with the dog and I think..."He is going to be such a great dad and I can't wait to hear him do that with our children someday."  I want to hear giggles coming from the other rooms in our house.  I want to have a Saturday filled with baseball games and popsicles. The list could go on.  I just desire to have a family. I feel very ready for that.

One of my least favorite holidays is lurking around the corner.  If you think of it, please stop and pray for those who may not be experiencing the joy of Mother's Day.  I think of the women who have lost their mothers, don't know their mothers, lost a child, have been led to childlessness through singleness, and all the women who deeply desire to be recognized on this day, but are left empty handed.  I am very thankful for my mom and Brad's mom and celebrate them on this holiday, but will definitely be hiding out this year.
Thankfully, the The Players won't be stealing Brad away from me on this day this year.

Love and hugs to all of you. :)

My Two Men.

I wanted to do a special post to the two special men in my life.  Everyone keeps asking how Brad is doing and my response is, "He hasn't really had time to figure out how he is doing because he is too busy taking care of me!"  I don't know how I would have made it through this time without these two.  Brad even became a full time nurse for a few months there.  Most Saturdays he had to give up precious sleep time to make sure I had my shot before 9 am.  And we know how much that boy loves his sleep.  He did a whole lot more than give me shots.  He kept me sane.  A few days I got away from him in that department, ha, but he knew all he could do on those days is hold me.  And he did just that.   I love you, Brad.  I am so thankful for you and so thankful for the MAN God has grown you to be in this process.  (He is hating this public affirmation, but I think he deserves it.)

As for my other man...Mr. LT Harby.  Some say I shouldn't love this dog so much.  You know who you are :).  But I really can't help it.  First off, he is so stinkin' handsome, I just can't help myself.  And secondly, he is just awesome.  It is true that I thank the Lord for him all the time.   He has truly been a gift to our family.  He has caught many tears and shared in a million snuggle parties when I just needed someone to hug. Or hug me.   He has brought so much joy and laughter to our home.  Love you, Tweezle Dee.

                                             My Handsome Husband

   I don't know how I get anything done around here with that face staring back at me.

                                 LT still doesn't know he isn't a lap dog.

  

 Like I said, he has brought us lots of laughter. I tell him his face will get stuck like that if he                    

                                                    keeps sticking his tongue out at me.

He has even won my dad over.  Big accomplishment.  He got a ginormous tennis ball from Gpa.

                                       Road trips are one of our favorites.

                           A special invitation to the couch for a snuggle party.

  This was taken after the first no.  What a friend. :) Keeping me company and licking up tears.

Love you two and very thankful for both of you. :)

An Attempt to Digest the No...

Sorry it has taken me so long to get on here and give you all an update.  As you may have heard or guessed, we didn’t get the answer we had prayed for this time around.  Hearing that our embryo didn’t make it again knocked me flat on my butt.  I didn’t have the emotional energy to try and put any sort of anything into words and I am pretty sure I would regret a lot of the things I would have said two weeks ago.

I took this miscarriage a lot harder than the last.  I think I knew last time we would try again if it didn’t work.  This time, I knew I would be sent spiraling back into the pit of waiting.  “No,” seemed so open ended and hopeless to me.  Do we move on to adoption and allow God to grow our family that way?  Although, I know my heart gets excited about that idea (not that I have or ever will let go of the dream of carrying my own child), I have no idea if and when God will allow that for our family.  I KNOW I need a huge break from all this IVF stuff.  I am flat emotionally and physically wiped! So here we are again back to this place I hoped not to return to again.

I have spent a lot of time swimming in anger over the last few weeks.  Let’s just say I don’t understand a few things.   I have a friend facing infertility that after reading Psalm 127:3 "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward,”  asked where she had gone wrong to not receive the reward. This was my response, “Hey there. These aren't unfamiliar thoughts to me. I must have done something wrong since I am not receiving the reward. A few women in my life have helped me check this thought... Instead of, "Why me?" ask, "Why not me?" I don't say that easily and most days I cant even utter those words... But what is God DOING? How is He using you to bring glory to His name? He has chosen me for this path, and it wasn't an oopsie daisy, He is well aware of your testimony. I had a dear friend (who is 20 years into the journey) say that she sees it as a calling. God knew she had the strength to love children that were not from her womb. He chose her to love the fatherless. That really spoke to me. It's all in how we look at it... Is He witholding or is He holding out His hand with an incredible treasure that He has picked out for only you and your husband? 

Trust me, I have your same questions, but in order to carry on I have to Put On truth and hope. I have to hope that God has an incredible thing up His sleeve. All the women I know who are further along in their journeys would tell us that He does have a great reward for us too... But it just might not look like the reward we were expecting. 

I hope this brings you hope. Not down playing your feelings. I carry those in the corner of my heart too. I just can't let Satan take any opportunity to turn God's story into his story.”  Ha, that is what is so HARD about this journey.  One day it is easy to say all these things and then you are forced to live in it.

I had to ask that same question.  Where did I go wrong, Lord?  Why do all these people I know get to sleep around, live a life that is not honoring to you and still receive your reward.  I know there are several lies and issues in this thought, and I will get to that, but it is extremely hard to not ask that question.  Why do the women who could care less about carrying a child, complain the whole pregnancy or are too high to even feel the baby kick, get to have the incredible experience of carrying a child??  Why do they deserve that experience?  Why do all the people who don't really care about children have the opportunity to have a whole van full?

I realize there are several lies weaved through all of these thoughts. If God were a God of reward and handed out deserved punishment, I would be going to hell.  Blunt, I know, but true.  I wouldn’t deserve a single blessing from Him. I know that I am saved by the GRACE of God, not by anything I did or didn’t do.  It is a free gift. I could never be “good” enough for a Holy and Perfect God.  “For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast,” Ephesians 28-9.  “But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace,” Romans 11:6.   I know that His grace should be sufficient for me (2 Corn. 12:9).  That should be enough for me. I don’t deserve anything more than what He has already given me in and through salvation. I clearly see that I have a false understanding of self to think I am better than the women I deem unfit to be mothers. I also know that God isn’t withholding in the way that we define withholding. I have to trust that He isn’t refraining from answering our prayers out of punishment, but but because His answer is different and better than mine.  I have been encouraged this week that He has a greater reward for us and He isn’t withholding a child because he doesn’t think we are good enough.  I also know from scripture that the women God made “wait” had huge rewards through whom their children became and the role they play in the Lord’s great novel.  Sarah with Isaac, Rebekah with Jacob and Esau, Rachel with Joseph and Benjamin, Hannah with Samuel, Elisabeth with John the Baptist... just to name a few examples. I am not naming myself as the bearer of the next promise child, trust me!  But I have to trust that the Lord is not wasting my pain in barrenness. 

I know those are a few of the lies that I have to battle daily, amongst others. 

Currently, we are taking a break from fertility treatments.  We need time to regroup, refocus, rejuvenate…and so on.  I am re-grieving the possibility that we may not have biological children.  Not giving up hope, but realizing again that God may have something else for us.  I am ready to mother and have a family, so I am having to let go of my ideas all over again and let the Lord lead us in what He has for our family.  I’d started to believe again that we may get a little Brad and Sharlie through IVF.  I am not saying He still can’t choose to do that, but I also feel like we need to be realistic and seek out other options while seeking a biological children also. 

Thank you for the prayers over the youth retreat last weekend.  While I wasn’t 100% myself, I did feel sustained and thoroughly enjoyed my time with my girls.  They make me laugh and allow me to escape into another world.  Some of you may be asking why the world of a teenager would qualify as an escape, haha.  But it is a much more simple place.   Interestingly enough the lessons for the students that weekend were exactly what I needed to hear. We spent the weekend studying the UNSHAKABLE faith of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Their faith was the same and they knew who their God was no matter their circumstances.  In short, when they (the Jews) were exiled in Babylon, they were required to worship the Gods of King Nebuchadnezzar. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were reported for not worshipping the king’s golden images.  The king ordered for them to burned in a fiery furnace.  They answered, “If this be so, the God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king.  But if no, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the gold image you have set up,” Daniel 3:17-18.  They knew their God had the power and ability to deliver them from the fire, but they also knew He could choose not to and if he didn’t they still vowed to remain true to who their God was and their faith.  This really hit home with me.   They were being thrown into a FIREY pit and were offered the chance to escape, but Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego chose to still remain faithful and trust God, EVEN if His answer was no.   Faithful, even if He chose to leave them to burn for choosing to worship Him in opposition.  Am I going to remain faithful even when God responds with no?  If He responds with no, will I still bow down and worship Him?  I was really challenged by their faithfulness and encouraged to press on.  Challenged to trust that He can deliver us from infertility, but if not, to continue in faithfulness and refuse to worship another. 

As you may know, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were rescued from the fire. “Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the door of the burning fiery furnace; he declared, ‘Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out, and come here.’ Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego came out from the fire. And the satraps, the prefects, the governors, and the king’s counselors gathered together and saw that the fire had not had any power over the bodies of those men. The hair of their heads was not singed, their cloaks were not harmed, and no smell of fire had come upon them,” Daniel 3:26-27.  AND because of what the Lord did, the king responded, “ ‘Therefore I make a decree: Any people, nation, or language that speaks anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego shall be torn limb from limb, and their houses laid in ruins, for there is no other god who is able to rescue in this way.’ Then the king promoted Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the province of Babylon,” Daniel 3: 29-30. Here is hoping that our story brings God glory in the same way that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego did.  Of course that requires being faithful no matter what our circumstances.

I love that I went to the retreat last weekend with the intentions to serve and God used it to serve and encourage ME!  Thank you again for your prayers over the retreat weekend.

So where do we go from here?  That is the question we are asking right now.  We are not sure what’s next for our family.  Just taking it day by day, attempting to refocus on why we are really here.  Brad and I are here to live lives that bring glory and honor to Jesus Christ and to share His free gift with others.  We are prayerfully seeking what He has for us in that area and in our family's future.

If you could join us in praying for our next steps, we would greatly appreciate it.  Specifically, I am starting to feel the weight of our friends heading into round two of babies.  I feel like I am sinking even deeper into the pit of childlessness as everyone else’s family continues to expand.  Pray that I would be able to enjoy these miracles as well.  And the baby boom of 2010 has created a boom of 1st birthday parties.  I really don't want to miss those moments in their lives, but I also know how hard it is on my heart. And I never want to be the stealer of joy...I think I need wisdom on knowing when to attend and when to step back.  Please pray that we wouldn’t let satan get a foot hold in our marriage or in our relationships with the Lord using his crafty little lies.  I pray that I would be sustained and filled with joy and hope for what He DOES have for us.  

Love and thanks to you all.  Your support and prayers have been felt. 

It's a No.

Hi all. Sorry I have not been on to post.  Some of you may have heard already that we got another, "No."  I wanted to give you a quick update.  We are deeply disappointed and grieving our losses.  Feeling more encouraged as the days go on.  Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.  I am headed out of town for a youth retreat.  Please pray for sustainment and emotional energy to serve them.  They are a joy and bless me greatly, but I am a little nervous that I have not much in me to give to them.

I will post as soon as I can with more details.  Thanks again for the prayers.

Precious Cargo

We successfully had a frozen embryo transfered yesterday.  They didn't get us in until about 3:30 pm even though my appointment was at 1:45 pm.  I think they were a little behind. ha.  They never are, so we didn't mind at all except for the fact that my bladder was about to BURST!  When you go in for a transfer they have you drink 16 ounces of water an hour before your appointment.  A full bladder forces your uterus to lie flat.  Last time, if you remember, I had to drink 48 ounces of water to make my uterus lie down. SO this time, I drank 24 ounces an hour before my appointment, just to be one step ahead.  Needless to say, 2 hours and 45 minutes later...I couldn't wait any longer.   They eventually got me in and we are very thankful that our embryo thawed well and was ready for the transfer.  There is some risk that it won't survive the thaw and we aren't taking the fact that it made it through that phase for granted. Miracle #8 in the process.

The procedure went great.  The doctor and nurse staff were especially chatty, so it wasn't uncomfortable at all.  Who thought you could sort of have a good time during a procedure like this?

I stayed in bed most of yesterday and this morning/early afternoon.  Brad was a fantastic nurse as always.  Making sure I actually stayed in bed. :)  Hard for me to do.  I was much more relaxed about it this time.  Even though they said that you could sit up to eat last time, I ate my first meal horizontal on the couch last round.  This time I did sit up to eat!  And even moved my resting location a few times.

Thank you sweet friends for the delicious meal, sweet notes, texts, calls, and special delivery treats.  They all brought us great comfort and encouragement.

Please continue to pray for baby Harby.  I know we ask for a lot of prayers.  Thank you for giving them so generously.  Please also keep the women in our Common Thread ministry in your prayers also.  I am not alone on this roller coaster ride for sure and we have a few women that received God's answer of, "Not yet," today.  My heart is beyond heavy for them.  I know this heartache all too well and am deeply saddened for them.  I am thankful that God has provided a way for us to walk through this together.

Just wanted to give you a quick update.  Ps- thanks for all the eye makeup remover suggestions.  I can't wait to give one a spin!

Hugs.

Waterproof Mascara

So two days ago I opened a new package of mascara, which is always a monumental moment for me because I use my mascara as long as possible so that I don't have to spend money to buy more and drag it out as long as possible.  So I finally broke down and opened a new package of my favorite mascara.  It's always hard to make the switch to a new tube, you get so used to working with the clumpage that you have to get used to working with the new texture of a fresh tube all over again.  ANYWAY...the next day I washed my face like normal and still had mascara all over the place.  What in the world?  Loreal must have changed their formula.  NOT, yesterday morning I discovered that I "accidentally" bought waterproof mascara.  This is the second time I have done this.  What a waste.  Now I am forced to use eye make up remover, which I don't own because I can't stand the feeling of shlepping oil all over my eyes.  I was frustrated with my mistake the whole time I was getting ready for the day.  I had yet again wasted money on waterproof mascara.  Dang it!

I carried on to bible study only to discover God had divinely appointed the mascara purchase.  There was a pregnancy announcement in our group that morning.  I am pretty used to getting pregnancy announcements so I wasn't expecting to get choked up about it.  But I think it was just the timing...heading out of the loss of one baby and heading into a transfer this week.  Not to mention I am highly injected with hormones. :)   Needless to say, some tears may have found their way into the start of bible study yesterday morning.  I cherish the women in that group and am thankful for the way they have supported me in all of this.  They were very understanding.  But I was disappointed in myself.  I have said from day one that I didn't want to be the stealer of joy.  I felt as though I had stolen her moment of celebration and joy.  Ugh.  I think the Lord has graciously allowed me to receive pregnancy news with great excitement and a genuine smile in the past knowing that every child is a miracle.  But for some reason, things did not go as smoothly as they usually do yesterday.   I couldn't muster up the ability to hold the tears back.  I think overall I am doing really well handling the loss of our first baby and the emotions of another round of treatment, but today gave me a little clue that maybe I am not doing "good" all over.  There are some parts of my heart that still hurt.

Needless to say,  looking back, I don't think the waterproof mascara was a mistake.  I chuckled to myself on the drive home thinking about how God even had me covered in the makeup department.  Maybe He is trying to tell me that I should invest in some eye makeup remover as it may be a long time before I stop needing to wear waterproof mascara. :)

Our transfer is still scheduled for Monday.  We don't have a time yet, but I will let you know when we know so you can pray more specifically.   I think I am letting go more and more as the days go on.  I'm starting to even get more excited about the potential colorfulness of our family if Brad and I aren't able to have our own children.  Instead of being sad that they won't be blonde haired/blue-eyed babes, getting excited about the mysteriousness of what our family could look like.

Have a great weekend!!  Taking suggestions for eye makeup removers. haha.

Jumping Right In...

Well after processing and moving through the, “Not Yet,”  Brad and I decided not to leave our 3 little embryos waiting.  We are jumping right into a frozen round of IVF with one of our little treasures.  They ARE our children and I just can’t stand the thought of leaving them there.  I know you are thinking, “Wow, are you ready for all that?”  Or maybe you ‘re not. But to answer the question anyway, Brad and I felt like we were already so enveloped in the process that we thought, "Why stop now?"  Nothing really changed for us after we got the “Yes.”  We were still doing shots and carrying on…so why not just keep going?   The doctor said there is no medical reason to wait, but if I needed an emotional break than we should hold off.  I think if it doesn’t work this time, I will need an emotional break and my poor little body will need a break from all these hormones!

The frozen cycle is much easier and less involved than the process of retrieving all the eggs, etc.  I am so thankful for the 3 frozen embryos and thankful we didn’t have to make a decision about whether to go through another full round or not.  For now, anyway.  After losing the first one I started estrogen patches to help my body prepare for the embryo transfer.  Right now it is looking like March 7 for our transfer date.  From there we just do the progesterone shots.  Easy peasy in comparison to the last round.

I went through a period of just being numb.   I didn’t know what I thought and I found myself not wanting to talk about it.  And when I had those feelings, I was left wondering, “Who am I?”  I have never been at a loss for words when it comes to our story, but my heart was just plain numb.  That is the only way to describe it.  After the numbness I was able to process and let go of our first little treasure.  For some reason God did not want him or her to make it into our world.   I can only cling to the truth that I know about our God, it was for our good and I don’t want anything outside of that. “And we know for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28.  

In His perfect goodness and timing, coming out of round one we were studying idols in Isaiah and how God feels about them.  Let’s just say He isn’t a big fan.  His word makes it VERY clear that idols are futile and foolish folly.  God speaking to idols: “Tell us what is to come hereafter, that we may know that you are gods; do good or do harm, that we may be dismayed or terrified. Behold, you are nothing, and your work is less than nothing; an abomination is he who chooses you…Behold they are ALL a delusion; their works are nothing; their metal images are empty wind.” Isaiah 23-29.   An idol is any devotion of the heart before Him.   Am I making a child, a family an idol before my maker, my Lord?  At the same time, at our Common Thread meeting this month, Kristi Russell shared her story of God leading her to the verse in 1 Samuel about Hannah (Read 1 Samuel 1 for more on Hannah's story of infertility) where her husband asks her, “Hannah, why do you weep?  And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad?  Am I not more to you than ten sons?”  That really struck a chord with me.  She shared with us that the Lord used that verse to rescue her marriage.   By no means have I been perfect in this area, but I knew from day one that I did not want the desire for children to steal our marriage.  This verse is a significant reminder of that.  For me, I thought, “Maybe, God is saying that to me.  Am I not more important to you than ten toes and ten fingers?”  I had begun to believe that my world would never be complete without being given the opportunity to love one of His children.  But I think this verse is a huge reminder that God is to complete my world.  I was created to tell people about Him and who He is, a child would just be the cherry on top.  Have I also been saying to Brad, without speaking a word, “You are not enough for me?”  That makes my heart fall to pieces.  I would never want him to think that, but have I unintentionally made him feel that way?  Think how much more the Lord must desire for me to see Him as number one, as the completer of my world. ‘You shall have no other God before me.' Exodus 20:3.  I think the Lord has been sending out warning shots for me over the last few weeks as I mourned what didn’t come to be. “I know the desires of your heart, but DO NOT put them before me.”  I hear ya, loud and clear!  Maybe I should flag this post because I have a feeling I might need a few reminders along the way.

That same night, at the Common Thread meeting, God used the beautiful stories He had written in the other women’s lives to peel back my little fingers (and I have come to learn through those around me that they are little. ;) )  one by one and loosen my grip on the dreams I have for my family.  None of these women would have drawn the same family portrait 20 years ago that they have now, but they wouldn’t trade the vibrant portrait that God painted of their family for anything in the world.  I heard the beautiful stories and I am beginning to realize that the story I have written will NEVER compare to the one He has for us.  “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”  Ecc. 3:11.  While I was walking LT today, I just prayed that God would allow me to fully release MY story and to let Him write HIS story.   I imagine He has a pretty good one up His sleeve somewhere.  I'm reaching pretty far up that sleeve.  I know its gotta be up there somewhere. :)

Every time I post, Brad says, “Dang, this is so long!”  Wait until he gets a load of this one. Haha.  Maybe if I posted more frequently they wouldn’t be so long.  I will see what I can do about that.  Thanks for sticking with me and trudging through the musings of my heart over the last few weeks.  

Not yet...

We got a confirmed “No” on the blood work yesterday. I knew that was the answer, but there was still that slight flicker of hope left in me.  I had mostly mourned it all on Thursday, but still had to move through the final “no” yesterday.  

Part of me wonders why we got the “yes” and then a “no.”  What a tease!  But there is another huge part of me that is thankful we were able to get pregnant and thankful for the opportunity to celebrate.  We may never have another moment like that.

I am sort of numb at the moment.  I think I have gotten really good at turning myself off emotionally when I need to.  I know that is not healthy, but sometimes I think that is the only way I can cope.  I think I will have to continue to do that in order to survive this process.  I wouldn’t say I have had peace with the situation over the last few days, but I haven’t been as upset as I thought I would be either.  I can only assume that it must be all the prayers that are keeping me from crossing over to the dark side and helping me to keep my eyes on Him.  There are moments when I can feel satan tugging me his way, wanting me to let this get the best of me, but then I can feel God pulling me in the other direction at the same time, reminding me of His goodness and sovereignty. It is no mistake that the Lord has had me studying Isaiah in this season so that I could learn of his promises, their fulfillment, and His control in all things since the beginning of time.  

I was encouraged by this tonight. Isaiah 42:16:

“And  I will lead the blind

in a way that they do not know,

in paths that they have not known

I will guide them.

I will turn the darkness before them into light,

The rough places into level ground.

These are the things I do,

And I DO NOT FORSAKE them.”

Right now I do feel as though I am blind stumbling down a very unknown path. We are having to rely not on what we can see, but in the things unseen.  I am trusting in His promise to guide us and to smooth out the ground before us.  He will not forsake us.  I feel like I am walking with my eyes closed and hoping that he will turn our darkness into light.

Thank you for the ways you have encouraged us over the last few days.  God has definitely used all of you to remind us that we are loved.  We know we have been covered in prayer and can feel your prayers surrounding us. 

For His glory, not mine. 

Roller Coaster Takes a Dive

Well, I’d hoped to be writing a very different follow up post to yesterday’s blog post.  This is what I feared the most.  The doctor called today to let us know that my HCG levels didn’t go up hardly at all. He said that this usually means that the embryo is missing something genetically and can’t move past where it is at now.  Or he said there is the rare chance that the lab made a mistake on the test.  I am not putting my hopes in the second possibility especially since my numbers were so low to begin with. 

I was at such peace today convinced that my numbers had gone up.  I “felt” that some of my symptoms had increased and I was about 75% sure that this embryo (that put such a strong foot forward from the beginning) would make it.  I was crushed. 

 My first emotion was anger.  I was mad.  I kept telling Brad that I just want to be normal.  Why can’t I pee on a stick, see two lines, get excited about decorating a nursery, buy all the things we have been buying for everyone else for so long…for us?  It was a great high with a HUGE let down. Then I was just plain heart broken.  I thought, "Can't we catch a break?" It’s hard having this little guy growing inside of me and then learning that it probably won’t make it.  I am grieving all the things I had allowed myself to start thinking about again and grieving the possibility of us having biological children all over again.  I did NOT want to go back to this place. 

I was told to continue my progesterone shots until Monday.  They will redo my blood work just to double check Monday morning. My dear friend Amy put it so well, “Isn’t that just the cherry on top of a disappointment cake.”  We have to keep making a pin-cushion out of my poor body even though it doesn’t appear that this baby is going to make it much further.  I think it is protocol in case the lab made a mistake or God decided to make a miracle happen over the weekend.  

It is hard to think about doing this again.  I know I will analyze each little thing and compare it to our experience this time around.  I will question every little cramp, twinge, headache…  ugh.  Even just waiting for the first reply will be torture all over again.

I don’t regret for a second celebrating the way we did Tuesday.  I have always dreamed of telling Brad in a special way that we were going to have a baby and I don’t think I will ever have that opportunity.  I loved the way that he told me it was a yes. It was our own special moment and the first time I felt somewhat like the rest of the world that gets to celebrate two lines on a stick.  It was very special and it is a memory I will cherish for the rest of my life. I know we will be so much more cautious in our celebrations for the tests to come, so I don’t regret taking one day to feel normal and to celebrate the life that God created.  I don’t know that we will experience elation like that again because our hearts will become even more guarded from here on out.

I must say that while I am heart broken and emotionally wiped, I am thankful for the ways that God has been gracious to us. I have my husband.  We have our health. We have a roof over our heads.  We have family and friends that love us dearly.  The news has a great way of reminding you of how much worse things could be. 

We have a long weekend ahead of us as we hang on until Monday.   Thanks for all the prayers.  

Keeping Us on Our Knees

 Well we got incredible news Tuesday.  I went in for blood work yesterday to see if the embryo took or not.  I gave them Brad’s phone number because I wanted to hear the news from him, rather than one of the nurses and then be home the rest of the afternoon by myself.  I knew he was leaving work to come home and give me the news after they called him, but I expected him to come through the garage door.  I was sitting at the kitchen table doing my bible study and TRYING to focus when the doorbell rang.  When I got to the door I saw Brad there with flowers.  I thought, “Oh no, sympathy flowers.”  When I opened the door he opened his suit jacket and he had a t-shirt on (that he made  in the K-Mart parking lot, haha) and it had a huge plus sign on it with the word, “Yes!”  My blood work came back positive!  I think I immediately jumped on Brad and we both shared a moment of unforgettable elation. After I cried a bit, my whole body went numb and all I could say is, "Is this real?" We are thankful for our evening of joy and excitement.  It is not very often that we get positive news, so we ran with it and soaked it up as much as possible.

We were very aware that it is REALLY early to be announcing to the world that we got a positive result.  But we knew we had so many people praying for us and we wanted everyone to know how to continue to pray.  And you all deserved to hear how God answered your prayers.

I called the doctor’s office to get more information since they mentioned to Brad that my numbers were low.  They put me on estrogen patches and had me continue the progesterone shots to help boost my numbers.  When I talked to the nurse today she said my HCG hormone levels were at 29 yesterday.  She said they call that the “Cautiously Optimistic” category.  Hmm.   She said they get more comfortable when it is over 100.  The goal is for my numbers to double and triple every two days.  They are redoing my blood work tomorrow and should be able to tell a little better if the pregnancy is progressing or not.   I was obviously discouraged.  She said, “I have seen numbers lower than that make it to a sustained pregnancy.”  I think she meant that to be encouraging.

I’m trying to stay positive and be thankful that we now know I can get pregnant.  But there is the obvious possibility that it may not be in the Lord’s plan for this baby to make it.  We are thankful the glimmer of hope and encouragement that we have through this little life inside of me.  I am finding courage in that God has known since the beginning of time whether this child of His would make it to a life outside of my womb.  “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.”  Jeremiah 1:5

Here are the verses I am clinging to and am asking you to pray for us:

“I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” Job 42:2

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he TRUSTS in you.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.”  Isaiah 26:3-4

“He is not afraid of bad news, his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.”  Psalm 112:7

“…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 1:6

We are so thankful for the ways that you have all lifted us up and covered us in prayer.  We are begging you to keep the prayers coming. 

It is so crazy that his little life is only 16 days old and is already a boy or girl and has its complete DNA makeup.  I am in complete awe.  We are just praying that we get to meet this precious little gift.  

I am anxious about tomorrow.  I know Brad and I don’t deserve to keep this baby and we are not equipped to raise one of His treasures, but we are praying that He would graciously give us the opportunity to honor Him through parenting this little one.

Much love.  Please be on your knees for baby Harby. J

And Now for the Hard Part...Waiting.

Friday night and Saturday morning, I was nerve and anxiety free.  I think we both just felt covered in prayer.  It was so surreal to be taking the step that we had worked so hard to get to over the last month and a half.  This is the moment we were waiting for.  All of those shots and procedures were for this one day.

Before heading into the procedure we met with our doctor to discuss our embryo report.  Out of the 9 that were left, only ONE of them was ready to implant.  I knew that God was in control of which one they would choose to put in yesterday, but wow!  There was no mistaking which one He had chosen.  I think that calmed my heart even more, knowing that there was only one option and that He had made it very clear for the doctors.  It made me feel as though the Lord was right there with us, saying, “I got this!  I am in control.”  How amazing.  It gave me goose bumps.

Before going in for a transfer they make you drink  16 ounces of water and you can’t go to the bathroom until they are done with your procedure. Your bladder forces your uterus to lie down and gives the doctors a window to see into your uterus. My procedure should have started at about 10 am.  However, my bladder wasn’t cooperating and I had to drink another 16 ounces.  They rechecked and decided that I needed to drink an additional 16 ounces of water.  I was water logged to say the least.  And 48 ounces later, I was ready to roll. And ready to go to the bathroom, haha.  

In an earlier blog, when we received the news of my unicornuate uterus, I stated that I would never forget seeing that image on the HSG screen.  It is burned in my mind forever.  The same is true for what I saw yesterday.  I could see our little embryo on the ultrasound screen.  It was incredible.  Even if it doesn’t make it, I will never forget seeing him or her appear on the screen. It was a little white dot, about the size of a miniature pea.  I got a split second glimpse of the life God created.  Only He knows if we will ever get to meet him or her.  I am in awe of that momentary glimpse.

After the procedure, I had to lie down for 30 minutes.  They told me I only had to make it 15 minutes, but I was more than determined to make it 30 minutes.  After all it took to get to this point, I was not giving in to the bladder.  After it was all said and done, I walked out to the lobby, grabbed Brad and we headed home.  Just like that.

What an odd feeling.  All I can describe it as is an out of body experience.

We are just taking it easy this weekend. I am feeling great so far.  Now it is wait and see. 

This is going to be the hardest part, hands down.  Every little cramp or twinge sends my mind on a rat race. 

Thank you so much for all the prayers.  We truly felt covered in prayer and are so thankful for how unselfishly everyone thought of us.  Thank you for loving us well.  We appreciate your prayers in the coming week as we cling to the hope that God is growing this little life in me, while at the same time attempting to guard our hearts from disappointment.

PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!  

The Tenacious Ten

We just found out today that we have an appointment for Saturday at 9:30 am.  This is the day referred to as the "transfer."  What that means is they will be putting one of the embryos back in on Saturday.

The Bakers Dozen has turned into the Tenacious Ten.  We got our embryo report this morning and were told that we had 10 embryos that were successfully growing right now.  I was so excited and did exclaim,
"Yayyyyyyy!" to the doctor on the phone.  He might start to question my age if I am not careful.  :)  My friend Tiffany told me that once they tell you how many you have growing, you automatically feel ownership and feel like you just gained a bunch of children over night.  She was right, I DO feel that way.  I feel like all ten of my kids are in the hospital and I need to go visit them.  I feel like I should be holding their hands or checking in on them.  Pretty wild.

I also have been so overwhelmed by the thought that God knew each and every one of them before they came into existence.  "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..." Jer. 1:5a  He knows which embryos will or will not make it.  He knows each of them.  They are all in His hands.  I love that He already knows how many we will have come Saturday and exactly which ones will make it through.  What an amazing God we serve.

Thank you for your prayers.  Please pray that the transfer goes smoothly and the Lord would prepare my HEART and my womb.

Baker's Dozen

Thank you so much for your prayers.  The doctor was able to get to both ovaries.  Looks like we got a Baker's Dozen. That is what the nurses kept calling it.  Maybe they thought it would be easier for me to remember that coming out of anesthesia than the number 13.  I'm not sure, but I like it.  The doctors hope to get 4-5 embryos out of those eggs.  Some just won't make it or weren't mature enough to survive.  We are excited, but trying to remember that numbers don't mean a thing unless God wants it to happen.

I am feeling better today.  Just sore and tired for the most part.  Brad is an awesome nurse!  I have more gatorade and movies than a girl could ask for.  Now it is just a waiting game.  We are on call for either Wednesday, Thursday or Friday to put one back in.

You have no idea how much your prayers have meant to us.  When you don't know what to pray for yourself, it is good to know others are covering you in prayer.

All the texts, emails, and calls have been so encouraging.  Thank you, thank you!

Just wanted to give you all a quick update.  To be continued...

It's Retrieval Time...

Yesterday, Brad and I had our last check up appointment before the retrieval tomorrow.  We would really appreciate your prayers.  I had a new doctor yesterday who is not too familiar with my peculiar anatomy.  He was very unsure of where both my ovaries were and couldn't really confirm egg count etc, because he wasn't sure what he was seeing.  He made me a little uneasy to say the least.  He is the doctor that will be doing the retrieval Monday and I am not feeling so comfortable with that idea.  I really wish the doctor that knows me and my anatomy was the one scheduled to do it, but he isn't.  SO, we are having to trust that God divinely appointed him for my procedure and that He will be leading the doctor through every step.  Please pray for the doctor, that his hands would be guided by the Great Physician.  We go in for the retrieval at 8 am tomorrow.

Thankful for a one day break from the shots.  Enjoying every bit of my day off. :)  Thanks for your prayers.  Implantation will be either Thursday or Saturday.  They call us Wednesday to let us know when they plan to implant.  Will keep you posted.

Thankful for Ovary # Dos.

If you recall in my last post, revealing ovary #2, I said I wasn't sure why I was so excited or that it really changed anything about our situation.  Well I learned today that it does.  I am so humbled and thankful that God graciously gave me that other ovary.  Since I am missing everything else on that side, I am just blown away that I have my other ovary.  The ovary on the same side as my uterus is a lot smaller and isn't producing as many eggs as we had hoped.  It is only showing about 5 eggs right now.  The other ovary is much larger and has more eggs than the other one.  I think I would be really discouraged if we only had 5 eggs to work with and I am so thankful for the other ovary.  He is picking up the slack.  I keep thinking, God really didn't have to give me the other ovary, but He did!  And I am so glad.  Praising Him again today for ovary dos.

Looks like we only have about 2-3 days left of phase 2.  Then we move into retrieval and hopefully implantation.  Still praying for my heart to be prepared for the outcome.  It may or may not work and I must trust that God is working out His sovereign plan...whether it turns out how I had hoped or not.

I have also been very thankful for how the hormones have NOT impacted me.  I don't feel super emotional or anything.  I was terrified that I would be an emotional wreck.  Brad is also very thankful, I'm sure. haha. While the shots aren't the most fun, I am thankful that sleepiness has been the only side effect.

Our first Common Thread meeting went really well.  Thank you for praying for our meeting.  We had about 19 women show up and we know that there were several more that wanted to attend but couldn't make it this month.  It was a sweet time, filled with great encouragement.  We know that the Lord is at work and will continue to grow this ministry.  I am blown away by each and every email that appears in my inbox asking for more information on the group.  I guess the Lord wanted to make sure we were depending on Him for this ministry because it is growing like crazy already.  

Hope to post the CT video soon.  Signing off!!  Have a great weekend. :)

I Have TWO Ovaries!

Can you believe it?  Ha.  I am a little less weird than I thought I was.  Every time we went to the see the fertility doctor or the OB, no one could find my left ovary.  I was pretty confident I just didn't have the other one.  I have had a sonogram wand scan everything but my ear and they couldn't find the darn thing.  But since starting the stimulation meds my ovary decided to make an appearance.

He was scanning my right ovary to see how many eggs we had brewin' and he said, "Let's look for the left one."  I was thinking, "Yea, good luck."  And wah lah...there it was!  I'm pretty sure he thought I was crazy because I was so excited.  I said, "Yay, I have two ovaries! I am not missing as many parts as I thought." haha.  I almost felt like skipping out of the hospital.  Or that I should make an announcement to everyone in the lobby.  He even appeared to be making more eggs than they other guy.  Slacker.  I am not sure that it changes much, but it just so refreshing to get good news and to know that we aren't just depending on my one lil' ovary.  Now that is an interesting praise/prayer that I was sending up today... "Lord, two ovaries, two ovaries! Oh my gosh, thank you.  You are awesome."  haha.

Well, I feel like I should have a party or something.  But it would have to be a water and cheese party. :)  I am not sure I would have many takers.

Just thought I would get on and share the good news since shouting it from the hospital parking garage roof top would have been completely inappropriate.

I will sing praise.

I'm a Walking Pin Cushion

This stomach shot has to be a joke.  Actually, they're no joke… they are terrible and I’m not laughing.  They burn like CRAZY!  The mother of one of my best childhood friends came over (Stephanie Norvell, she’s a nurse)  to assist me with these shots because I thought maybe I did something wrong last night.  Nope, didn’t do anything wrong, they just kill.  It was so great to have her there as an encouragement and to give me my shot, because honestly, I am not into giving myself this one.  It’s Brad’s turn tomorrow.  Booo on these.  Hopefully only 12 more of this kind left.  I am running out of room on my belly of a pin- cushion.

We will get through this, day by day.  Shot by shot.  I know there are thousands of women all over the nation doing these shots every day just like me.  The burning only lasts about 10 seconds and hopefully it’s all for a little treasure that will be worth every single shot.  

There is a first for everything...

I know it has been awhile since I blogged last.  Honestly, I have found myself withdrawing in this IVF process.  Me, withdraw?  Never.  But I guess there is a first for everything.   My sweet mother reminded me that I am excluding myself from prayer by withdrawing and I am not ministering to the other women I said I wanted to be ministering to in this process.  You can always count on your mom to tell you the things you don’t want to hear. Thanks mom for holding me accountable.

Step one after starting the birth control pill, was paper work, shot administration training and a trial transfer.  My trial transfer went great Tuesday.  I guess putting me to sleep made it easier for the docs to do what they needed to do since it didn’t go as planned the first time around when I was awake.  I was super nervous about being put to sleep, but the nursing staff was so sweet and made the whole process a great experience.  And then I had a great excuse to sleep the rest of the day!  That is hard for me to do, so I soaked it up.

And today I gave myself my very first shot!  My second run at a first time for everything.  My sweet friend, Natalie Huggins, who is a nurse, came over and coached me through the whole ordeal.  It was so great to have someone there who knew a thing or two about needles and viles to make sure I knew what the heck I was doing.  After we got the shot prepped, I sat down to give myself the shot and could not bear to put the needle into my skin.  It is one thing to give someone else a shot, but something ain’t right about injecting yourself.  I kept bringing the needle really close to my skin and backing away saying, “Ahhhh, I can’t do it!”  Natalie, in her cleverness made it a life threatening situation.  She said, “Okay, you are a diabetic and you HAVE to get this insulin in your system or you are going to die.  You have to do this to live.”  What else was I going to do?  This was do or die.  So, I finally drummed up the courage to break the skin and give myself my very first shot.   Yay!  My mother can attest to this, shots are NOT my thing.  When I was little and I even saw a small chair with an arm rest on it, I would automatically combust into a tears and then throw myself on the floor.  This wasn’t last year, I swear.  So for me to give myself a shot is a pretty significant accomplishment.  Only,  30 more or so to go!  Thanks Natalie for serving me and blessing me with your nursing skills.  Wish you were going to be here tomorrow.  Maybe I can train LT to tell me that it’s do or die.

Natalie was so encouraging, but then we started discussing the details of some of my inter-muscular shots and I had to shove a pretzel in my mouth and sit down.  I got so queasy. Ugh.  I might have to find someone to administer those…I don’t know if I can stomach it. I think I can survive these smaller shots, but hearing about the other kind that come in round 2 made me want to barf. 

I’m feeling okay so far. I don't know what to expect. Honestly, the antibiotics are the hardest on my body, but I am sure some of these hormones will out do them in no time.  I am praying that I don’t get sick…feeling like I am fighting something every day around 4 pm into the rest of the evening.  Might just be  caffeine withdrawals. J   I am trying to stay focused on the verse from Isaiah that I posted previously.  I just need to trust Him and He will give me perfect peace, lacking nothing.  I am most nervous about the outcome, praying that God would prepare my heart for whatever the outcome may be.  I am scared for it to not work and then have to go through a time of mourning all over again.  So, I am praying that I would be spiritually, mentally, and emotionally prepared for that.   I’ll get over all the shots and procedures, but I am nervous about how my heart will handle the outcome.

Next week is our debut for Common Thread.  The church is graciously allowing us to do a ministry spotlight.  We recorded a video of three different women’s journeys through infertility and hope to show that there is a common thread in all of their stories, their hearts simply long to be what God made them to be, mothers.  Tiffany and I are really excited to get the ball rolling and to host our very first meeting on January 18^th.  Please pray that hearts would be encouraged and that we would continue to follow God’s lead in this ministry.  We have already had a few women reach out in response to an article in the women’s ministry newsletter.  I pray that it continues to grow and that the Lord's hand would be on it.  Thank you Ryan Galy for helping us nail down a logo.  Thanks for sharing your gifts with our ministry.  We think it is just beautiful!

 I hope to also be able to post the video after it is shown at church.  Thank you, Mike Dingfield for patiently working with all the ladies on this special video.  Thanks for serving with your talents.

Thank you for your prayers and for all the sweet ways you all let us know you are thinking of us.  The emails, little notes, text messages, meals, and sweet treats have all been a huge blessing this week.  Thank you for choosing to walk with us.