Waterproof Mascara

So two days ago I opened a new package of mascara, which is always a monumental moment for me because I use my mascara as long as possible so that I don't have to spend money to buy more and drag it out as long as possible.  So I finally broke down and opened a new package of my favorite mascara.  It's always hard to make the switch to a new tube, you get so used to working with the clumpage that you have to get used to working with the new texture of a fresh tube all over again.  ANYWAY...the next day I washed my face like normal and still had mascara all over the place.  What in the world?  Loreal must have changed their formula.  NOT, yesterday morning I discovered that I "accidentally" bought waterproof mascara.  This is the second time I have done this.  What a waste.  Now I am forced to use eye make up remover, which I don't own because I can't stand the feeling of shlepping oil all over my eyes.  I was frustrated with my mistake the whole time I was getting ready for the day.  I had yet again wasted money on waterproof mascara.  Dang it!

I carried on to bible study only to discover God had divinely appointed the mascara purchase.  There was a pregnancy announcement in our group that morning.  I am pretty used to getting pregnancy announcements so I wasn't expecting to get choked up about it.  But I think it was just the timing...heading out of the loss of one baby and heading into a transfer this week.  Not to mention I am highly injected with hormones. :)   Needless to say, some tears may have found their way into the start of bible study yesterday morning.  I cherish the women in that group and am thankful for the way they have supported me in all of this.  They were very understanding.  But I was disappointed in myself.  I have said from day one that I didn't want to be the stealer of joy.  I felt as though I had stolen her moment of celebration and joy.  Ugh.  I think the Lord has graciously allowed me to receive pregnancy news with great excitement and a genuine smile in the past knowing that every child is a miracle.  But for some reason, things did not go as smoothly as they usually do yesterday.   I couldn't muster up the ability to hold the tears back.  I think overall I am doing really well handling the loss of our first baby and the emotions of another round of treatment, but today gave me a little clue that maybe I am not doing "good" all over.  There are some parts of my heart that still hurt.

Needless to say,  looking back, I don't think the waterproof mascara was a mistake.  I chuckled to myself on the drive home thinking about how God even had me covered in the makeup department.  Maybe He is trying to tell me that I should invest in some eye makeup remover as it may be a long time before I stop needing to wear waterproof mascara. :)

Our transfer is still scheduled for Monday.  We don't have a time yet, but I will let you know when we know so you can pray more specifically.   I think I am letting go more and more as the days go on.  I'm starting to even get more excited about the potential colorfulness of our family if Brad and I aren't able to have our own children.  Instead of being sad that they won't be blonde haired/blue-eyed babes, getting excited about the mysteriousness of what our family could look like.

Have a great weekend!!  Taking suggestions for eye makeup removers. haha.