And Now for the Hard Part...Waiting.

Friday night and Saturday morning, I was nerve and anxiety free.  I think we both just felt covered in prayer.  It was so surreal to be taking the step that we had worked so hard to get to over the last month and a half.  This is the moment we were waiting for.  All of those shots and procedures were for this one day.

Before heading into the procedure we met with our doctor to discuss our embryo report.  Out of the 9 that were left, only ONE of them was ready to implant.  I knew that God was in control of which one they would choose to put in yesterday, but wow!  There was no mistaking which one He had chosen.  I think that calmed my heart even more, knowing that there was only one option and that He had made it very clear for the doctors.  It made me feel as though the Lord was right there with us, saying, “I got this!  I am in control.”  How amazing.  It gave me goose bumps.

Before going in for a transfer they make you drink  16 ounces of water and you can’t go to the bathroom until they are done with your procedure. Your bladder forces your uterus to lie down and gives the doctors a window to see into your uterus. My procedure should have started at about 10 am.  However, my bladder wasn’t cooperating and I had to drink another 16 ounces.  They rechecked and decided that I needed to drink an additional 16 ounces of water.  I was water logged to say the least.  And 48 ounces later, I was ready to roll. And ready to go to the bathroom, haha.  

In an earlier blog, when we received the news of my unicornuate uterus, I stated that I would never forget seeing that image on the HSG screen.  It is burned in my mind forever.  The same is true for what I saw yesterday.  I could see our little embryo on the ultrasound screen.  It was incredible.  Even if it doesn’t make it, I will never forget seeing him or her appear on the screen. It was a little white dot, about the size of a miniature pea.  I got a split second glimpse of the life God created.  Only He knows if we will ever get to meet him or her.  I am in awe of that momentary glimpse.

After the procedure, I had to lie down for 30 minutes.  They told me I only had to make it 15 minutes, but I was more than determined to make it 30 minutes.  After all it took to get to this point, I was not giving in to the bladder.  After it was all said and done, I walked out to the lobby, grabbed Brad and we headed home.  Just like that.

What an odd feeling.  All I can describe it as is an out of body experience.

We are just taking it easy this weekend. I am feeling great so far.  Now it is wait and see. 

This is going to be the hardest part, hands down.  Every little cramp or twinge sends my mind on a rat race. 

Thank you so much for all the prayers.  We truly felt covered in prayer and are so thankful for how unselfishly everyone thought of us.  Thank you for loving us well.  We appreciate your prayers in the coming week as we cling to the hope that God is growing this little life in me, while at the same time attempting to guard our hearts from disappointment.

PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!  

The Tenacious Ten

We just found out today that we have an appointment for Saturday at 9:30 am.  This is the day referred to as the "transfer."  What that means is they will be putting one of the embryos back in on Saturday.

The Bakers Dozen has turned into the Tenacious Ten.  We got our embryo report this morning and were told that we had 10 embryos that were successfully growing right now.  I was so excited and did exclaim,
"Yayyyyyyy!" to the doctor on the phone.  He might start to question my age if I am not careful.  :)  My friend Tiffany told me that once they tell you how many you have growing, you automatically feel ownership and feel like you just gained a bunch of children over night.  She was right, I DO feel that way.  I feel like all ten of my kids are in the hospital and I need to go visit them.  I feel like I should be holding their hands or checking in on them.  Pretty wild.

I also have been so overwhelmed by the thought that God knew each and every one of them before they came into existence.  "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..." Jer. 1:5a  He knows which embryos will or will not make it.  He knows each of them.  They are all in His hands.  I love that He already knows how many we will have come Saturday and exactly which ones will make it through.  What an amazing God we serve.

Thank you for your prayers.  Please pray that the transfer goes smoothly and the Lord would prepare my HEART and my womb.

Baker's Dozen

Thank you so much for your prayers.  The doctor was able to get to both ovaries.  Looks like we got a Baker's Dozen. That is what the nurses kept calling it.  Maybe they thought it would be easier for me to remember that coming out of anesthesia than the number 13.  I'm not sure, but I like it.  The doctors hope to get 4-5 embryos out of those eggs.  Some just won't make it or weren't mature enough to survive.  We are excited, but trying to remember that numbers don't mean a thing unless God wants it to happen.

I am feeling better today.  Just sore and tired for the most part.  Brad is an awesome nurse!  I have more gatorade and movies than a girl could ask for.  Now it is just a waiting game.  We are on call for either Wednesday, Thursday or Friday to put one back in.

You have no idea how much your prayers have meant to us.  When you don't know what to pray for yourself, it is good to know others are covering you in prayer.

All the texts, emails, and calls have been so encouraging.  Thank you, thank you!

Just wanted to give you all a quick update.  To be continued...

It's Retrieval Time...

Yesterday, Brad and I had our last check up appointment before the retrieval tomorrow.  We would really appreciate your prayers.  I had a new doctor yesterday who is not too familiar with my peculiar anatomy.  He was very unsure of where both my ovaries were and couldn't really confirm egg count etc, because he wasn't sure what he was seeing.  He made me a little uneasy to say the least.  He is the doctor that will be doing the retrieval Monday and I am not feeling so comfortable with that idea.  I really wish the doctor that knows me and my anatomy was the one scheduled to do it, but he isn't.  SO, we are having to trust that God divinely appointed him for my procedure and that He will be leading the doctor through every step.  Please pray for the doctor, that his hands would be guided by the Great Physician.  We go in for the retrieval at 8 am tomorrow.

Thankful for a one day break from the shots.  Enjoying every bit of my day off. :)  Thanks for your prayers.  Implantation will be either Thursday or Saturday.  They call us Wednesday to let us know when they plan to implant.  Will keep you posted.

Thankful for Ovary # Dos.

If you recall in my last post, revealing ovary #2, I said I wasn't sure why I was so excited or that it really changed anything about our situation.  Well I learned today that it does.  I am so humbled and thankful that God graciously gave me that other ovary.  Since I am missing everything else on that side, I am just blown away that I have my other ovary.  The ovary on the same side as my uterus is a lot smaller and isn't producing as many eggs as we had hoped.  It is only showing about 5 eggs right now.  The other ovary is much larger and has more eggs than the other one.  I think I would be really discouraged if we only had 5 eggs to work with and I am so thankful for the other ovary.  He is picking up the slack.  I keep thinking, God really didn't have to give me the other ovary, but He did!  And I am so glad.  Praising Him again today for ovary dos.

Looks like we only have about 2-3 days left of phase 2.  Then we move into retrieval and hopefully implantation.  Still praying for my heart to be prepared for the outcome.  It may or may not work and I must trust that God is working out His sovereign plan...whether it turns out how I had hoped or not.

I have also been very thankful for how the hormones have NOT impacted me.  I don't feel super emotional or anything.  I was terrified that I would be an emotional wreck.  Brad is also very thankful, I'm sure. haha. While the shots aren't the most fun, I am thankful that sleepiness has been the only side effect.

Our first Common Thread meeting went really well.  Thank you for praying for our meeting.  We had about 19 women show up and we know that there were several more that wanted to attend but couldn't make it this month.  It was a sweet time, filled with great encouragement.  We know that the Lord is at work and will continue to grow this ministry.  I am blown away by each and every email that appears in my inbox asking for more information on the group.  I guess the Lord wanted to make sure we were depending on Him for this ministry because it is growing like crazy already.  

Hope to post the CT video soon.  Signing off!!  Have a great weekend. :)

I Have TWO Ovaries!

Can you believe it?  Ha.  I am a little less weird than I thought I was.  Every time we went to the see the fertility doctor or the OB, no one could find my left ovary.  I was pretty confident I just didn't have the other one.  I have had a sonogram wand scan everything but my ear and they couldn't find the darn thing.  But since starting the stimulation meds my ovary decided to make an appearance.

He was scanning my right ovary to see how many eggs we had brewin' and he said, "Let's look for the left one."  I was thinking, "Yea, good luck."  And wah lah...there it was!  I'm pretty sure he thought I was crazy because I was so excited.  I said, "Yay, I have two ovaries! I am not missing as many parts as I thought." haha.  I almost felt like skipping out of the hospital.  Or that I should make an announcement to everyone in the lobby.  He even appeared to be making more eggs than they other guy.  Slacker.  I am not sure that it changes much, but it just so refreshing to get good news and to know that we aren't just depending on my one lil' ovary.  Now that is an interesting praise/prayer that I was sending up today... "Lord, two ovaries, two ovaries! Oh my gosh, thank you.  You are awesome."  haha.

Well, I feel like I should have a party or something.  But it would have to be a water and cheese party. :)  I am not sure I would have many takers.

Just thought I would get on and share the good news since shouting it from the hospital parking garage roof top would have been completely inappropriate.

I will sing praise.

I'm a Walking Pin Cushion

This stomach shot has to be a joke.  Actually, they're no joke… they are terrible and I’m not laughing.  They burn like CRAZY!  The mother of one of my best childhood friends came over (Stephanie Norvell, she’s a nurse)  to assist me with these shots because I thought maybe I did something wrong last night.  Nope, didn’t do anything wrong, they just kill.  It was so great to have her there as an encouragement and to give me my shot, because honestly, I am not into giving myself this one.  It’s Brad’s turn tomorrow.  Booo on these.  Hopefully only 12 more of this kind left.  I am running out of room on my belly of a pin- cushion.

We will get through this, day by day.  Shot by shot.  I know there are thousands of women all over the nation doing these shots every day just like me.  The burning only lasts about 10 seconds and hopefully it’s all for a little treasure that will be worth every single shot.  

There is a first for everything...

I know it has been awhile since I blogged last.  Honestly, I have found myself withdrawing in this IVF process.  Me, withdraw?  Never.  But I guess there is a first for everything.   My sweet mother reminded me that I am excluding myself from prayer by withdrawing and I am not ministering to the other women I said I wanted to be ministering to in this process.  You can always count on your mom to tell you the things you don’t want to hear. Thanks mom for holding me accountable.

Step one after starting the birth control pill, was paper work, shot administration training and a trial transfer.  My trial transfer went great Tuesday.  I guess putting me to sleep made it easier for the docs to do what they needed to do since it didn’t go as planned the first time around when I was awake.  I was super nervous about being put to sleep, but the nursing staff was so sweet and made the whole process a great experience.  And then I had a great excuse to sleep the rest of the day!  That is hard for me to do, so I soaked it up.

And today I gave myself my very first shot!  My second run at a first time for everything.  My sweet friend, Natalie Huggins, who is a nurse, came over and coached me through the whole ordeal.  It was so great to have someone there who knew a thing or two about needles and viles to make sure I knew what the heck I was doing.  After we got the shot prepped, I sat down to give myself the shot and could not bear to put the needle into my skin.  It is one thing to give someone else a shot, but something ain’t right about injecting yourself.  I kept bringing the needle really close to my skin and backing away saying, “Ahhhh, I can’t do it!”  Natalie, in her cleverness made it a life threatening situation.  She said, “Okay, you are a diabetic and you HAVE to get this insulin in your system or you are going to die.  You have to do this to live.”  What else was I going to do?  This was do or die.  So, I finally drummed up the courage to break the skin and give myself my very first shot.   Yay!  My mother can attest to this, shots are NOT my thing.  When I was little and I even saw a small chair with an arm rest on it, I would automatically combust into a tears and then throw myself on the floor.  This wasn’t last year, I swear.  So for me to give myself a shot is a pretty significant accomplishment.  Only,  30 more or so to go!  Thanks Natalie for serving me and blessing me with your nursing skills.  Wish you were going to be here tomorrow.  Maybe I can train LT to tell me that it’s do or die.

Natalie was so encouraging, but then we started discussing the details of some of my inter-muscular shots and I had to shove a pretzel in my mouth and sit down.  I got so queasy. Ugh.  I might have to find someone to administer those…I don’t know if I can stomach it. I think I can survive these smaller shots, but hearing about the other kind that come in round 2 made me want to barf. 

I’m feeling okay so far. I don't know what to expect. Honestly, the antibiotics are the hardest on my body, but I am sure some of these hormones will out do them in no time.  I am praying that I don’t get sick…feeling like I am fighting something every day around 4 pm into the rest of the evening.  Might just be  caffeine withdrawals. J   I am trying to stay focused on the verse from Isaiah that I posted previously.  I just need to trust Him and He will give me perfect peace, lacking nothing.  I am most nervous about the outcome, praying that God would prepare my heart for whatever the outcome may be.  I am scared for it to not work and then have to go through a time of mourning all over again.  So, I am praying that I would be spiritually, mentally, and emotionally prepared for that.   I’ll get over all the shots and procedures, but I am nervous about how my heart will handle the outcome.

Next week is our debut for Common Thread.  The church is graciously allowing us to do a ministry spotlight.  We recorded a video of three different women’s journeys through infertility and hope to show that there is a common thread in all of their stories, their hearts simply long to be what God made them to be, mothers.  Tiffany and I are really excited to get the ball rolling and to host our very first meeting on January 18^th.  Please pray that hearts would be encouraged and that we would continue to follow God’s lead in this ministry.  We have already had a few women reach out in response to an article in the women’s ministry newsletter.  I pray that it continues to grow and that the Lord's hand would be on it.  Thank you Ryan Galy for helping us nail down a logo.  Thanks for sharing your gifts with our ministry.  We think it is just beautiful!

 I hope to also be able to post the video after it is shown at church.  Thank you, Mike Dingfield for patiently working with all the ladies on this special video.  Thanks for serving with your talents.

Thank you for your prayers and for all the sweet ways you all let us know you are thinking of us.  The emails, little notes, text messages, meals, and sweet treats have all been a huge blessing this week.  Thank you for choosing to walk with us.