I was praying this morning, really pouring my heart out to God regarding our upcoming adventure. I have started to allow myself to get excited and hopeful that maybe we can take a few steps forward in our journey. Hopeful that maybe I WILL have the opportunity to be a mom. I even allow myself to intermittently use the forbidden phrase, "When we have kids..." instead of, "If we are ever blessed with kids." (I know the second one is still the correct phrase) But then I am real quick to diminish that hope because I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. AND, let's be honest...I am terrified of the shot portion and some of the procedures involved with this whole deal. I feel excited, weary, hopeful, anxious, nervous... I am fearful to let myself get excited, but I also know that we are given hope through the power of Christ. And I have hope that He is up to something good. But His good may not come in the package I am expecting. I am always trying to find the balance. Story of my life. I was asking the Lord to prepare my heart for whatever the outcome may be and praying that I would trust fully that He is doing something good. That I would trust Him whether I am balling my eyes out come February/March or celebrating new life.
Even though recently I have been thinking about how God feels so far sometimes, I felt as though He spoke right back to me through His word. I opened my eyes and immediately started my bible study for today. The verse that I read as soon as I stopped praying read as follows:
Isaiah 26:3-4
"You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock."
He will give me peace and calm my anxieties if I keep my mind focused on Him and trust the story He is writing. Remembering that His glory and being in relationship with Him is more important than anything in this life. No blessing on this earth compares to being in relationship with the King of this universe. He is an everlasting rock!!
I was so moved. God immediately answered me through His precious word. He calmed my spirits by reminding me to just TRUST HIM. Incredible experience. I guess I better memorize this one. I will cherish it and hold it close to my heart.
