Hi friends!
So... my blood work came back finally. My blood is not showing that I have PCOS. However, through a ton of reading and thoughts from the doctor, that doesn't mean I don't have it. It could be a very mild form of it and didn't show because of the day in my cycle that my blood was tested. I am having a sonogram done Friday to see if I do have cysts on my ovaries. That would mean that I do have PCOS, it just isn't showing in the blood or didn't show in that particular test. If it is not PCOS then it is a pituitary problem. The pituitary is not making the hormones needed to release an egg. The insurance company is thinking about covering the HSG which would let us know more about the shape of the uterus. Brad is also being tested Friday. So things are still in the works. I feel like at least we are making some headway on a diagnosis. Patience is key!
I do ask that you would pray against the doubts that have been creeping into my mind. The last few days were really hard for me. I learned of some more pregnancies that hit close to home. It just opened some wounds that made me start questioning why some people are blessed with babies and others are not. I have worked through that, and as a sweet friend reminded me, it won't be the last time I work through those feelings. I can feel them, I just can't stay there. I have to go through the process of reminding myself of all the things I know to be true about God. And I also have to find my place all over again, broken and humbled. I got to a place where I can finally just say, God, I don't understand this. And that is okay. I don't have to find out why God is doing this in our lives, what physical problem is causing it, why some people are blessed with biological children and some aren't. I can just be okay with not understanding. That is what makes Him God and not me after all. :) Pray that I would desire
Christ more than I desire motherhood. Pray that I would abandon myself to His will. Although I mentally understand His will is better than mine, sometimes my heart likes to hold onto what I think is best for me. Can you relate, haha? I know His plan for me is far greater than I could ever imagine.
Thank you for letting me share this with you. Thank you for your partnership in prayer. My heart was really heavy the last few days, but I feel that the Lord has brought me from underneath that and I can celebrate all that He is doing in my life to show me that He is the
God of the impossible!
He is not finished with me yet,
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